…sitting at my desk, sorting through some photos from a senior photo-shoot I did this past Wednesday. I shot at a location I’ve used several times but am really diggin the fact that I was able to put a different spin on it (well, I think so anyways..). I was a little worried at first walking away from the shoot because I felt I didn’t get enough frames to really work with since we only had a mere hour to shoot before the sun slipped away oh so fast (yikes!) but it turns out I have more than enough! Not sure if this is because of me, luck, or the fact that the girl I shot was insanely beautiful. I’d like to think it was a mixture of all three..but who knows.
These past two weeks were extremely stressful and just all around no-good weeks. But, this Friday night I’ve been able to unwind a bit and although tomorrow is going to be extremely busy for me, I’m excited for this month of November. I can’t explain how nice it is to take a break from flickr. As silly as it sounds I find myself with a significant amount of pressure on my shoulders every now and then when I get wrapped up in posting things on there. It easy to get carried away with feedback, or getting lost in Explore or my contacts streams which brings feelings ranging from inspiration to utter discouragement ( because they are so good!)
Too often I slip back into the habit of taking photos for the wrong reason..or at least in my mind its not the reason I want to be taking photographs. I take photographs for a lot of different reasons…but that’s a whole other story. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m glad to take this month off and just shoot for myself. Not that anyone is holding any official pressure over my head demanding [a certain kind]work to be posted…but I can’t deny that those feelings can come along with having any sort of following ( am I alone on this one here?) I’d like to say that people’s opinions don’t have an impact on my work as much as they do now..but that would not be very honest. This is something I want to change.
I’ve always said that I’m very honest with how I go about things when it comes to making photographs…and for the most part this is true, but I’m hard on myself and I know I can do better. I know I can be more genuine and I want this ..realness to show through my work. I want my work to be from the heart..not saying that it isn’t now..but its just not up to par in my eyes. I’m not talking about the quality more so the means to my ends (if that makes any sense?)
All I’m saying is, I know myself, and I know my work better than anyways else. And though I can ask someone to look at my work and listen to them say ” Oh that’s nice” or ” Wow, that’s beautiful” or even something as flattering as ” Your work inspires me”…none of that really matters unless I personally feel like„”Ya, you’re right, I put my all into that piece..that photograph and I’m glad it has that effect on you.”
I don’t want my work to just be “pretty” and I don’t want to feel guilty or “cheap” for having a photograph that is effective in some way or another..but I don’t feel special about.
But then again it’s not always about how I feel. I guess sometimes there are going to be things that I do or create that have an effect on someone that..in a way..I had nothing to do with..that I can’t possibly take credit for. In these cases its more of an issue of what that person was thinking..how they related to the photo…where they’ve been..and who they are…and somehow or another they found a way to connect with a photograph of mine..whether they thought it was simply “pretty” or were taken back by the “message” behind it.
….I guess the same goes for any type of art…paintings..drawings…poetry..and especially music. Everyone relates to art in a different way and they take away something different…and it’s not always the artist’s doing and they can’t always take full credit for this..” happening”.
It’s just a beautiful thing that just simply…happens…and who can put it in to words? Who can begin to say its because of “this” or because of “that”.
Maybe I take too much credit sometimes…and maybe sometimes I don’t take enough credit.
..but maybe it’s not even about credit or a feeling of affirmation.
Maybe sometimes it’s more about just putting something out there simply because I’ve got something to give, and I’ve got something to share and who knows if it’s going to be of any use to anyone but at least I’m living and sharing and breathing….photographing.
But the point is I want to get back to this all. This honest process.
The root of it all.
And ya. Some days I’m going to pick up a camera and click the button and not think at all. I’m simply just going to DO. I don’t feel the need to get carried away with myself, but heck it would be nice to every so often.
Shouldn’t we feel we have the freedom to do that as artists?
Shouldn’t I feel able to do that as an artist?
I’d like to hope so.
